


Cereal

by alexdamien



Category: Dissidia: Final Fantasy
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 12:37:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexdamien/pseuds/alexdamien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Warrior of Light and the Onion Knight go shopping and they run into Gabranth. This can only end in tears...or stabbing. Humor, a bit OOC</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cereal

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate title "The Almost Amusing Adventures of Grocery Shopping"

It wasn't really the shopping that annoyed Light. It was merely the people, the grocery store music, the squeaky floors, the badly written shopping list, the fact that he always ran into the Cloud of Darkness in the fruit aisle (and that usually got  _weird_ ); and the fact that he always had to go with someone to help him carry the bags back home, because he wasn't allowed to drive the car again after having somehow driven it into the top of a tree when he tried to learn how to drive last time.

This time his companion was the Onion Kid, which made the whole trip slightly more bearable because the kid knew that he hated small talk and would rather entertain himself with looking at other shoppers, or just monologuing to himself without really expecting any answer from the warrior.

Unlike some  _other_  people who insisted on having his opinion about what brand of shampoo to take and what other brand of conditioner would be better for their hair, and  _does this shade of purple make me look pale_? All inquires which he would gladly answer with a heavy dose of "I Don't Care".

But he didn't want to think about that then, and instead focused on the kid's voice to drown out the annoying store music.

"Man, I really, really hope they have it. I can't believe they make those things, I mean, marshmallows! Tiny marshmallows that color the milk! I've got to see that one! There are two versions, one with sugar and one with chocolate. I want the one with chocolate," he ran down the cereal isle and Light followed behind, pushing the shopping cart with mildly amused interest.

The Onion kid looked up and down and ran all the way down the isle and back to the other side.

"I don't see it!" he said through gritted teeth and barely contained anger. Light let go of the shopping cart and looked through the walls of brightly colored boxes with cartoonish characters that smiled in an almost manic way at him.

Light spotted an employee and approached him.

"Hello, young proletarian worker, I require your help. My comrade here wants a type of cereal that we cannot find."

The Onion Knight dashed to the employee and pulled on his sleeve before he could say anything to Light.

"Where's the New Choco Cereal with color marshmallows? I can't find it!"

"Sorry kid, it's all sold out. More will come this Friday but it sold out almost immediately."

"Awww, really?"

Someone approached them, making Light turn around, and the employee took the chance to flee from those weird people.

"Judge Magister Gabranth, how unlikely to meet you here," greeted Light. Gabranth lifted an eyebrow and almost sighed.

"I have told you that you can merely call me Gabranth, Light."

"And I don't remember telling you that you could call me Light."

Gabranth dismissed that with a movement of his hand, instead turning to the little knight.

"Were you looking for something?"

"I wanted the new marshmallows chocolate cereal, but there isn't any in the store."

Gabranth looked thoughtful for a moment, then started looking into the basket he carried.

"Now that you mention it, the others told me to bring them some cereal."

Light raised an eyebrow.

"Cereal?"

"Garland and Golbez like to have cereal for breakfast."

"I thought he liked panca-"

Gabranth gave him an odd look and Light shut his mouth, thankful about not mentioning that he thought Garland liked to have pancakes in bed.

"This isn't the one I wanted. What brand is this? Void? Void Cereal?"

Gabranth shrugged.

"It has chocolate and marshmallows. I don't think the brand itself matters."

Light narrowed his eyes and took the purple box from the kid's hands. Written in big yellow letters under the name "Void Cereal" it said  _"It is VOID ONLY OF BLANDNESS."_  All of it surrounded by the images of splashing chocolate cereal and bright marshmallows in the shape of tiny trees, snakes, and swords while a purple snake hissed in the corner.

Light narrowed his eyes at the judge.

"I don't think this is an appropriate food for the child."

"How do you always manage to talk like you're an old man Sparkles?" said Onion, and took the box from him.

"So he isn't an old man? He was old before I became a judge, that's for sure." Said Gabranth, and both he and the kid laughed in a way that Light didn't like one bit. "In fact, weren't you old before I  _existed_?"

"I believe my age is irrelevant now." He took the cereal box, put it back on the shelf and pulled the little knight away. "We're done with our shopping, so we'll see you later, judge Gabranth."

"I was done already too." He took the box from the shelf and put it in his own basket, giving the kid a smile and a nod.

Light fought back the instinct of calling him a lot of ugly names and pushed kid and cart into the narrow counter space, hoping to get out of there before having to interact any more with anybody else from Team Evil.

The pimply youth at the counter gave him a half hearted smile and said "Hello, sir/madame"

Light responded with "Greetings, Supermarket Worker" and wondered why the youth gave him such an odd look. He had been working so hard on supermarket etiquette after all.

"Well, now I see why you always bring someone along with you to the supermarket," said Gabranth behind him, and the kid giggled.

Light pointedly ignored him while keeping his position between them. By the time he was done with the  _paying_  part of the whole thing, he almost sighed in relief.

"Do you like blitzball Light?" asked Gabranth, and Light almost wailed. The social anxiety was driving him mad. He still didn't understand why you couldn't get rid of annoying people by simply  _stabbing_  them. He'd heard it used to work very well for Sephiroth.

"I do!" jumped up the Onion kid.

"Because Jecht and Sephiroth are going to make a party for the opening of the blitzball championship, everybody's invited."

"Sephiroth?"

"Well, mainly Jecht. Alright, so Jecht is forcing Sephiroth to be there. But everybody's invited, and Garland will be there. He likes blitzball."

"I'll tell the others," he said, cleverly avoiding mentioning that he already knew that Garland liked blitzball, a lot. "Good Bye, Judge Gabranth"

"See ya later Gab!" called back the onion knight.

Light made a mental note of never letting the kid go anywhere alone. For at least ten years.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate title 2 "Gabranth's Plan #27 To Get Close To The Kid"
> 
> No, Gabranth, getting close to the wannabe dad won't let you get closer to the kid. Especially not when WoL's the epitome of all overprotective parents.


End file.
